Let Me Count The Ways
by agrainne24
Summary: One of Nikola's inventions goes horribly wrong and gravely injures one of 'the children' leaving Helen positively fuming. This is Nikola's attempt at an apology...Two shot set around the beginning of season 3. Teslen fluffiness ahead!
1. Chapter 1

**So I was supposed to be writing the next chapter of Capri and One Weekend when this demanded to be written! This was also supposed to be a one shot and well you know me I can never stick to writing one shots so this will have a second chapter and most likely from Helen's point of view. I had been reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (for the millionth time) and more specifically Mr Darcy's letter to Elizabeth when the idea to substitute Nikola for Darcy and Helen for Elizabeth struck me and well you catch my drift! Now for those of you who have seen the episode Chimera the title will sound familiar and others will know it from the sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I have used some of the wonderful lines in that sonnet here but I've written my own twist on it.**

**To set the scene – Nikola has an invention that has gone drastically wrong and has gravely injured one of 'the children'. I'll let you, my reader; decide for yourself which of 'the children' has been hurt. Let me know who you think it might be and I'll let the person who guesses correctly (I have a 'child' in mind) give me a scenario for the next chapter and if I like it I'll include it!**

**A huge thank you and hugs go out to Tashah2109 for the quick beta on this and to wackyjacqs, a newbie to the world of Sanctuary and Teslen in particular, for her words of encouragement ( I will try and believe ;) ) . As ever I don't own anything not even Nikola…*goes to sob in a corner* So with that huge A/N I'll leave you to enjoy (hopefully) this piece…**

**Let Me Count The Ways**

Nikola was angrily pacing in his room. He couldn't think straight. He felt the need to work off his anger alone before he said something he regretted and so he had left Helen without a word. Damn exasperating woman! When did the world's moral compass start and end with Helen Magnus? Who was she to decide that what he did with his inventions was right or wrong? Why must she always find fault with every brilliant idea I have? Women, they do nothing but make you feel guilty! I have done nothing wrong. Not true, a small voice stated in his head. Helen is not the one making you feel guilty. You were doing a wonderful job in that area all by yourself before Helen turned that 'look' on you. You know the one. The look that says 'I'm so disappointed in you and I expected more from you.' Yes _that_ look. One look from Helen and he turned into a chastised little boy having been told off by his teacher. One look from Helen could also be the undoing of any man. This he knew from first-hand experience. He was lost the moment he set eyes on her all those years ago and he had never wavered.

Nikola stopped pacing suddenly. It struck him that he was completely in the wrong and he must apologise to Helen immediately. He was a stubborn man most of the time and was arrogant enough to believe himself always right and so had never felt the need to apologise for his actions to anyone with the exception of Helen Magnus. He could never stand it for too long if they were not speaking for some reason or another. Above everything else Nikola sought Helen's approval, craved it even. If Helen was upset with him there was always a very good reason. Usually it had to do with one or other of his plans going awry. This time though it was personal. This time he'd really messed things up. This time there may be no going back. How was he going to get Helen to listen to him and not have her walk away from him? She was mad enough to do just that and had every right. He had after all injured one of 'the children'. No he needed her attention; he needed her to know he was genuinely sorry. What to do? Out of the blue an idea hit him like a strike from one of his own Tesla coils. Of course! Why hadn't he thought of it before? He'd write a letter of apology. He grinned to himself remembering a confession of Helen's when they were back at Oxford. She loved receiving handwritten letters particularly from her father when he was away on his travels and she was longing to hear news. Helen found it the height of ignorance to ignore a letter that someone had taken the time to write and so Nikola felt he was onto a winner. Though on second thoughts maybe it wasn't such a good idea, Helen may just tear up the letter in anger. Still it couldn't help to try.

_My dear Helen_

_You may be surprised to find this letter in your possession in the course of the morning. However, as well as that may be, I will apologise now for being presumptuous with your ever needed attention. My mind however, would not let me rest until I had written to you._

_Let me start by saying how truly sorry I am that you are angry with me at this present time. I know you are resisting the urge to eye roll right now but please refrain, you know full well that I don't apologise lightly and so you must know of my sincerity. I now I fear I've irritated you once again but enough with the apologies. You are most likely wondering why I've taken the liberty to write to you rather than speak with you in person. The answer is simple, dear Helen, one look from you and words would fail me as they often do in your presence. There is no need to deny this as I am certain you are fully aware of your effect on me._

_Our argument has stirred up some feelings which must be reiterated once again. You know more than anyone that I am not afraid to throw a salacious remark towards you and most likely I have done so in public on more than one occasion. On this occasion however, those kinds of remarks will just not make the grade. And so I will rely on the excellent writings of a poet close to your heart Elizabeth Barrett Browning._

_How do I love thee?_

_Yes Helen, love. I do. And more than you will ever know. More I fear than I will ever be able to show you. But I long to try if you'll let me._

_Let Me Count The Ways._

_The way one look from you can quicken my slow beating immortal heart in a moment._

_The way your brow wrinkles when you're deep in thought._

_The way your cheeks dimple when you smile._

_The way you tolerate my thinly veiled attempts to get close to you._

_The way you assert your intelligence without alienating those around you._

_The way you are with 'the children'. (I have to say I admire your fortitude in this instance!)_

_The way you'll let me make up for my mistakes even if I don't deserve your forgiveness._

_The way your true beauty lies within the deeds you do on a daily basis._

_And last but not least the way I love you more with each passing day._

_I love thee to the level of everyday's__  
__Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light._

_The above needs no explanation._

_I love thee with the breath,_

_Smiles, tears, of all my life!_

_Helen, if you take anything from this letter know that each sentence was written with love and I offer once again my deepest and most humble of apologies._

_Yours forever_

_Nikola_

_PS. The way you look sexy with a gun! Sorry I couldn't resist one innuendo it was begging to be used! N x_


	2. Chapter 2

**I was going to wait until tomorrow to post this chapter but then decided that you all had waited long enough for this conclusion! I hope that after you've read this you think it was worth the wait! Without further ado here is Helen's reaction….**

Helen was awoken by the sound of shuffling and seeing a dark shadow from beyond the door she quickly grabbed her gun from under her pillow and quietly went to investigate. Padding across the floor she found nothing of note and with a frown she picked up a letter that was on the floor by the door. The letter had the unmistakable scrawl of Nikola's swirled across the envelope with a flourish. Nikola had written to her. Immediately she thought he'd gone without speaking to her. To be fair, it didn't seem like his style. Nikola normally either faced his problems directly or indeed, buried them deep and dealt with them at a later stage if there was a mission involved. In this case, as it was an argument they had had, she had thought he'd deal with it later so this letter came as a surprise. Not sure what she'd find and with her frown deepening she tentatively opened the letter.

Reading the first few lines Helen drew in a deep breath. Good start Nikola, you're apologising nicely. As she read further though she felt her anger return in full. "Oh you presumptuous insufferable man, how well you know me, of course I am angry you've injured one of my staff. I presume this is the reason you've decided to write to me instead of talking to me." Helen walked slowly back to her bed and continued to read the letter, her incredulity increasing with every word.

"Am I really that intimidating that a man like Nikola has not the courage to face me?" Helen shook her head; no this cannot be the same Nikola that I've known all these years, no he would say whatever was on his mind regardless of the consequences, so who was this man that was writing to her? Reading the next sentence brought a smile to her face much as she was loathed to admit. There he is, always the charmer, aren't you dear Nikola? Shaking her head with fondness Helen found that as she continued to read the letter her anger was dissipating slowly and as much as she was still angry with Nikola she felt the compliment he was making in having written to her in such a way.

"I was never totally aware of what my presence did to your peace of mind, Nikola but I have to admit I knew what I was doing sometimes when I needed to persuade you to do something for me, I knew you had some feelings for me but I had no idea they ran this deep. You kept your cards close to your chest, my friend." The fact that she was having a full blown conversation with someone who wasn't even in the room with her didn't faze Helen Magnus. What did however, was the fact that her feelings towards the writer of the letter in her hands were changing constantly, in fact they were seesawing. She couldn't understand it, one minute she was angry with him for what he did, the next she was smiling at a turn of phrase he used. Let it be known Nikola Tesla, that you can be a romantic when you put your mind to it, you know that?

All of a sudden her stomach was doing cartwheels and her heart sped up despite her attempts to stay calm. "_Yes Helen, love. I do. And more than you will ever know. More I fear than I will ever be able to show you. But I long to try if you'll let me." _ Oh dear God in heaven, there it was in black and white, the words he had said to her on countless occasions, mostly notably in Rome, they were undeniable now, he had committed them to paper. He couldn't very well take them back now they were out in the open. The question was what was she going to do with them? The ball was most definitely in her court. If she stayed silent she would lose him and if she said what was in her heart at this present time she would still lose him. "A fine predicament you've left me in, Nikola!"

Exasperated beyond belief, Helen started pacing her room. She didn't know if the exasperation she felt was with herself or with Nikola. What to do? Oh help me, what do I do? I'm not ready for a relationship right now; my head is a jumble of emotions. He should know this; I've only just lost Ashley. A small voice in her head told her it was a weak argument, Ashley had been gone a year and that it was time to have a life outside of her work. But it's Nikola!

Getting nowhere with the argument that was going on in her head, Helen decided a bit of fresh air would do her good and besides the sun was coming up over the horizon, a perfect time for a stroll and she could still read her letter though by this time she was fairly sure she knew it by heart. This should tell you something, my girl. Treacherous thoughts like those were going to her into trouble because she felt if she started a relationship with Nikola at this moment in time he would have learned nothing, she still wasn't convinced of his remorse for what happened in his lab.

Helen went back to perusing her letter, every now and then a sigh would escape her and she would feel her eyes welling up. This truly was a beautifully written letter and the sentiments therein could not but touch her heart. With tears in her eyes as she read his farewell she whispered to the air, "one day Nikola, it will happen but not today, forever is a long time. Wait for me."

With a purpose and confidence she didn't feel, Helen strode back into the Sanctuary, down the winding hallways and into the library where she found Nikola reading by firelight.

"It's quite early for the fire to be lit, don't you think?"

Nikola had heard her heels on the parquet floor outside and heard her come closer and with each step he said a silent prayer to whatever deity was up there listening. He fervently hoped Helen would forgive him but on looking at her face at this moment he was unsure what she was thinking and startled by the question he answered readily.

"It is a cold morning and I prefer to read with the fire lit. Perhaps it is nostalgic of me but it reminds me of our Oxford days."

Helen closed her eyes and hoped when she opened them her emotions would be in check. Holding up the letter for Nikola to see she said in a tone a bit harsher than she intended, "and this is supposed to make me forgive everything and fall into your arms, is it? After everything. After everything you've done you expect to be forgiven with a few nicely placed words, do you? Do you realise what could have happened Nikola? I could have lost him. Do you realise what that would have done to me? Bloody Hell Nikola, you blew up your lab with Hen…Henry inside!"

At those last words, Helen broke down unexpectedly and found herself wrapped in Nikola's arms. Sobbing quietly for a few minutes, Helen began to gather herself once again.

"Oh I'm sorry, Nikola, your shirt."

"Never mind about that Helen they're a dime a dozen. I'm more worried about you. I never intended for you to be upset. I didn't realise how attached you were to the boy. Although the more I think about it the more it makes sense. He's a surrogate son for you, isn't he? He's one of your foundlings."

Feeling rather than seeing Helen's nod, Nikola's heart constricted. He could have killed one of her remaining links to family.

"Every word I said in that letter is true, however erratic it may have seemed."

Helen looked up into his blue eyes and seeing the conviction written on his face she finally forgave him. She reached up, brought her hand to his face and with as much emotion as she could muster she replied quietly.

"I know."

She had a long way to go before she finally gave into the feelings she had for this man but for now she was content for him to know she forgave him and to be in his arms like this, comfort that's what she needed. For now. Forever could wait just a little bit longer.


End file.
